Those of us who had the privilege to know and love my own Beautiful Darling Boy Tim are marking the one year anniversary of his passing from physical life to the eternal afterlife of the spirit on August 21. It has been such a year of so much raw emotion for me, and I daresay many others as well, in coming to terms with the reality that he is no longer here with us as the Beautiful Boy we all loved so very much. No matter how well connected to spirit I am, and even with the incredible ever expanding interdimensional communication taking place between me and my passed on son’s soul energy, my human mother’s heart still grieves and feels the pain of deep loss in knowing that this bright light that incarnated into this lifetime experienced as my son Tim will never put physical arms around me in a hug again as he tells me, “I love you, Mummy!” with his oh so dazzling smile. A roller coaster of emotions has been my constant companion during this past year, along with so many tears shed as well. And yet, I know that a marker is being passed with this first year now coming to completion. I know from previous experience that the first year after the death of a loved one is always the hardest. There is light at the end of the tunnel…for all of us. The human ache of longing for one no longer on the Earth never completely goes away, yet time, happy memories and the recognition that love truly is eternal can ease the ache and help us shape ourselves into the new person we become post-loss.
I had planned to be doing a whole lot more sharing than I have during this last year, but life is what happened. Between the ups and the downs of all those emotions I’ve had to ride my way through, I’ve also been quite humanly busy during the time I’ve been in Alberta, Canada since I arrived here in late April. The first task that I joyfully chose to focus on diving into was taking over the big vegetable garden that my Canadian host Ziggy has always planted every spring but was unable to do this year as he continues his slow recovery from 2 intricate surgeries to remove a tumor wrapped around his spinal column performed last winter. I had brought quite a few packets of organic vegetable seeds with me from New Mexico, along with numerous packets of herb seeds I found in Tim’s room while cleaning it out after his transition. Growing and tending a big garden has been fun, though not always smooth going with the challenges from deer and hail and other natural phenomenon sometimes causing damage and a lot of consternation. It has been a real joy though for me to grow so many wonderful herb plants from those seeds Tim hadn’t yet gotten around to planting himself. Some of the plants are flourishing so much that I am a bit sad that I can’t bring them with me when I head back to New Mexico this fall. But I’ll be drying some of Tim’s herbs to bring along and will enjoy cooking with them this winter. I am particularly looking forward to using his sage for this year’s American Thanksgiving.
The other day while cruising Facebook, I was incredibly touched to come across a post by the mother of one of Tim’s close friends. She had shared pictures of flowers she had grown from seeds procured from some of Tim’s plants on the day of his Celebration of Life memorial last August, and seeing them in glorious bloom along with her heartfelt tribute to Tim and the rest of us Quinns brought both tears and joy to my heart. I know his spirit and his energy remain with us in so many ways, but it is especially evident in the blossoming of the plants he loved so much.
In one of our more recent expansive interdimensional conversations, Tim spoke of how some wonderful things have been passed on from generation to generation in our family and he made particular note of the love of dogs, nature and growing things, and it made me smile. It is very true.
One of the other reasons that I have not been sharing on my blog as regularly as I had hoped to be doing is simply that I’ve been overwhelmed with all that has been coming through in my energetic communicating. I have so much material that I haven’t even known where or how to start in distilling it down to a condensed enough version to fit into a blog post. I gave up when I recognized that I simply can’t do that and all that is coming through is the substance of the book that has already been taking shape in the ethers and just needs some concentrated focus from me to assist it into manifest form. This will be occurring when I arrive back in New Mexico and once again take up residence in the little house in the mountains outside of Albuquerque that I have come to love so much, where Tim’s energy and laughter are still so present for me, where I scattered some of his ashes before I left last spring not knowing if I’d ever return there, and where he wrapped his physical arms around me in our last earthly hug as he said “I love you, Mummy” in his human voice for the very last time. It is sacred space to me and I am very much looking forward to spending my alone time there this winter in the creation of the book that so wants to be birthed into tangible form.
It was such a great feeling when Tim started referring to this as “our” book and talked about all that he wants it to include. Then one day in our beyond-this-realm connecting he announced that there was a surprise for me that day and a surprise about our book, and the surprise was that it was far more than just the 2 of us who would be participating in its creation. Tim acted as emcee as his father came through that day, with my long deceased husband telling me that it was necessary for my connection to Tim to “prime the pump” first before others could come through and share in the way I’d been sharing with Tim. One by one other deceased loved ones started showing up to communicate with me as well. After that day Tim’s dad, who transitioned in 1990 and had only previously communicated with me through feeling state, signs, and brief internal dialogues often filled with humor along with the love coming through in all these long years since his passing, suddenly began showing up for long conversations with me. So did both of my parents along with various other family members I had been close to during their lives on Earth. Each had their own unique perspectives they wanted to share with me around certain soul themes they said their own life experiences had revolved around and each wanted me to share these perspectives in “our” book. (As my husband Dickie said with a laugh, “You couldn’t keep me away from it, Mo!”)
The biggest surprise for me was when a woman I had never met during her lifetime on Earth, though my husband knew her family and had been friends with her brother, showed up asking to share with and through me. Our children had played with her brother’s children when they were all very small, so she had been their aunt and I was aware that because of that there was an energy connection between us. Her name was Kitty Genovese and her murder in New York City in the 1960s was highly publicized when it was learned that many had heard her cries for help as she was being brutally attacked but ignored them and no one came to her aid as she was dying. Her story has become part of sociology and psychology classes and textbooks, and she’s asked me to share the bigger picture of what her life and death were about from her own soul’s perspective. I look forward to doing that, especially since she’s given me an overview of the themes of the rebalancing of the old dysfunctional masculine and feminine energies that were personified in her experience, and how it was her soul’s choice (not her human choice) to participate through that experience in the restoration of the Divine Feminine to its rightful place of honor that is currently underway during this amazing time of spiritual transformation on Earth. It is incredible and quite humbling to be the conduit for this kind of amazing soul communication and perspective to flow through me and I am honored by the privilege.
So, I was not feeling very inspired as far as focusing on my blog since I have so much to focus on for “our” book. Then last night I woke to the sound of a lovely gentle rain falling outside. I smiled knowing the garden would be appreciative of the drink it was being gifted with, then burrowed back into my pillow to go back to sleep. It didn’t happen as I became acutely aware of the very loud croaking of a frog that sounded like it was sitting on the ground directly below my bedroom. I had to laugh at this as frogs are not frequent visitors to the Wild Kingdom of this particular part of Alberta, especially after spring with its melting snow-puddles-turned-into -ponds has come and gone. I haven’t heard a frog in a very long time!
This guy would not quit and it’s “song” kept me awake for quite a long time. I decided that come morning I would have to google frog totem medicine to see what its message to me might be about. When I did, I found it was great stuff, all about cleansing and rebirth and resurrection and transition, and many other interesting and pertinent to me things. The laugh for me came though when I read this on one of the sites I accessed:
“Frog energy is also considered to be a link between the living and the dead. An interesting ancient Asian custom was to place a jade frog in the mouth of the deceased to insure his/her spirit would pass safely into the spirit world. This custom was believed to allow the spirit of the deceased to speak more clearly to loved ones still living.”
Obviously Tim was nudging me in the direction of allowing him to speak more clearly to those he loved while here on Earth by sharing more of our communication in a blog post. So that is my inspiration for getting this one out!
While I had a few amazing experiences of connectivity to Tim’s energies in the weeks following his passing, especially while staying in his room and sleeping in his bed during the time I was fairly immobile due to the bones I broke when I tripped and fell on concrete during his Irish wake/Celebration of Life memorial, it took a couple of months before his energy flowed through to me in the manner I’ve become accustomed to when I translate energies into communication with nonphysical beings. The first time he came through in this way, my dear friend who identifies her energy as the Celtic goddess Brigid acted as intermediary. I felt incredibly overwhelmed by the energy flowing through me and Brigid explained that “this one is still learning how to flow energy in a fashion that doesn’t overwhelm. There is such love here that you may be completely overwhelmed energetically”…all said as I felt myself flattened into the sofa I was sitting on and then blasted by an incredible golden light that seemed to be all around me and suffusing me.
And then Tim’s energy/spirit clearly came through and affirmed that this was exactly what I was feeling. “He” assured me that our connecting would get easier with time and practice, and it has. My tears flowed freely as I brought through his first message, which was a very personal one:
“I do want to apologize Mom for the pain on the human level that my transition caused you, but I knew on the soul level that not only could you handle it, but that you would turn it into something so beautiful, which you’re already doing, and which I would like to help you to continue to do. We are meant to work together interdimensionally. We are meant to continue going forward with each other.”
“I know you’re aware that there are so many facets to every soul. You’re aware that I am far bigger than just the son you had in this lifetime, though that doesn’t diminish the beauty and the purity of the love relationships that we take on in human form.”
“I am near, as you know. I want us to open a portal between the dimensions where we can both experience multidimensional sharing. I can continue to share in your human realm by being with you in this manner and I want you to have more experiences like we had in our meeting in the sun. (Referring to one of the amazing and beyond description experiences I had one night while staying in his room.) And that is why the light is so golden for you right now, for the sun is a portal and there is much light and sound frequency energy from it pouring out to you in our meeting, and why you feel it so strongly. Just as you felt us flying together above the mountains of Tibet (another experience I had in his room), there are so many experiences to be had and they go far beyond what one might term lucid dreaming. Our connection is way beyond lucid dreaming. This is where you open the door and you realize that it’s not a dream but that it’s an experience that you choose to have that is not fully of this Earth dimension that you’re presently living in. This is what our work is that’s still to come, and you’re meant to share it.”
Brigid came back in to speak to me after this first encounter and said, “You have in essence energetically hugged each other and touched each other today” and spoke of my emerging new role. “You will be a messenger who shares with the world that love knows no boundaries, and certainly not the boundary of the human experience that feels that death is an ending. It is a new beginning. And this is what your future is about, Maureen. It is about this new experiencing. It is about you continuing to be the pioneer of consciousness who is willing to experience and experiment beyond what has previously been known and accepted in the human realms, who then shares with others, who then shines the light on the path that allows others, at their own pace, to walk that path too. It is your soul chosen role to bridge the dimensions in this way.”
When Tim came back next, I had still been greatly struggling with my human grief and knew that others who loved him were as well. His admonition was to “Focus on me in the now. I’m not ‘dead.’ I’m just in another dimension. I’m just in a new format! My soul, like everyone else’s, is eternal. My spirit is very real and very present. You can make it as real being with me in this manner as it was when I was there in physical body. By you doing this, Mom, and sharing it with others, you can really lead the way for people to change their view of death…and also change their view of how we live human lives.”
This exchange came through several weeks prior to Thanksgiving, and as if to let me know that it really was the essence of my son Tim coming through, he wound things up on a humorous note by poking fun at my vegetarian eating habits which he did not share, saying “I really do think you should roast a turkey for Thanksgiving in my honor and make sure you get it from Keller’s (a natural meat market in Albuquerque) because they’re the best. And also make sure you give Athena (his beloved 4 legged baby) lots of it, too!”
I complied with his wishes and thereby converted to “flexitarian” eating.
Since then we’ve had many communications in this manner, though sometimes with very long periods of quiet between them, often interspersed with very low places emotionally in my own personal experience of life. Tim addressed this in one of our conversations, saying how near he always is. “I know you have your human ups and downs. I’m aware of when you get emotional and teary eyed because you miss me. Just know when this happens that I’m extremely close by, but my flowing through to you like this really is so dependent on your mood because it affects your energy field and your energy has to be in the place of complete receptivity in order for me or anyone else to flow in from other dimensions to interact with you. When you’re really upset, when you’re really feeling low and heavy and depressed, when you’re frustrated, when you’re angry, when you’re down, the receptivity isn’t there and so that’s like a barrier for us. We can’t get through it to connect with you in this way.”
And so I’ve really been focusing on keeping myself in as good feeling a place as possible because I want the communication to keep happening, and because Tim keeps telling me that our work together is about my sharing what comes through from him with others. He told me, “You’re going to pass on to others not just messages from ‘beyond the grave,’ you’re going to pass on messages about how life works beyond human assumptions.”
He elaborated by saying, “You know that that’s what I really spent so much of my life doing…trying to push beyond the boundaries. I came in knowing my life would be short. I came in knowing that it was important for me to speak my own truth and live my own truth and to not accept the limitations of the rules and regulations of society and what is handed down. And I did well in that.”
“There are many more who are going to wake up to life being more than what it is as seen from the general present overall perspective. And that’s what I would like to tell my friends and my family…that there are so many layers to our experience as souls. Each layer is uniquely beautiful and no layer is better or worse than another. It’s all about experience. And for that experience, we happily jump in and out of lifetimes on Earth so many times! And we play so many different roles with the people we are closest to on the soul level, so often changing roles from lifetime to lifetime with those in our soul family. And there are no accidents.”
When I asked Tim on several occasions what he wanted me to share in a blog post, each time he was adamant that this be included:
“Things are often so much more and so much bigger from the soul perspective than they appear on the surface of human reality. I’m thinking now of your friend from childhood that you reconnected with on Facebook and her children, especially her autistic son also named Tim. That is one special being and I want you to let her know that I said that. We are very connected and tell her that she can call on me at any time, any time. I am here in the multidimensional way that souls can be. Her Timmy is a brilliant soul and so much bigger than can be comprehended through human eyes. He is touching many people and it’s all been agreed to on the soul level. She and he agreed to this mother/son dynamic relationship and she is blessed and he is blessed by the love that they share. And while it may not be obvious on the human level what a huge impact he is and will be making on the world simply by being who he is during this lifetime, please let her know that on the energetic level he is breaking barriers and expanding energy…the energy of consciousness…in huge ways. What he has come to do is monumental. And by her loving him and being his mother, what she is doing is monumental too. So thank them both for me and let them know that I am very near and I’d be very happy to act in that capacity of ‘guardian angel’ whenever a little extra assistance is required.”
“I’d like to challenge my friends and loved ones to be willing to move beyond the belief systems that have defined your lives so far. There’s so much more! Anyone who knew me well as Tim knows that I always pushed against boundaries and belief systems. (laughter) I always wanted to go further and farther and beyond into new experiences, and sometimes people who do that, like my dad also, die young…because the thrill of the adventure of being a pioneer and going further and farther than anyone else around you has is so much more exciting and enticing than just living the status quo on Earth. And that’s what I would like to offer up to my friends and my loved ones and to those reading this. Don’t settle for the status quo! Don’t ‘settle’ for anything! Always push a little bit further and a little bit farther. Always know that there’s more and be willing to go for it. And don’t fear checking out early as a result because when you leave is always a soul choice, and just imagine the fun that you can have by staying and exploring beyond the status quo if that is what your soul chooses to do!”
“Now hey…also all you guys that knew me know that I was the first to want to really enjoy life. Every single minute…as much as possible! ‘Let’s do the camping. Let’s have the party. Let’s go to the concert. Let’s get together!’ You know that is the essence and the substance of life! Sharing it with each other. Loving each other and showing that you love each other. Having good times together. Yet you also have to have a connection to your own inner soul, your own inner self. And I had that from an early age, probably more so than a lot of other people, and some of that had to do with the circumstances of my life, which I agreed to on the soul level…that I was 4 when my dad died and there was so much upheaval in our lives as a result of what happened, and also as a result of my mom having the courage to know what was truly important and move beyond the status quo herself. So, you have to have an inner connection and I say this to each and every one of you. You have to be able to be, not only comfortable with yourself, but to love the ‘sublime’ connection that comes only in being alone and being happy and comfortable with yourself. And look what happens! When you get happy and comfortable, you can do what my mom does and talk to people who aren’t here! You can have invisible friends! (laughter) I’m kidding, but this really is fun.”
“What I want to do is just keep encouraging people in the direction of connecting with themselves, becoming comfortable not just being alone but being in the company of themselves and their own souls. That’s something not a lot of people know how to do, so tell my friends I encourage them in this direction, and say…do the things that you really love and that you really enjoy and especially do the things that make you happy all by yourself, whatever that might be. Spend some time regularly doing that so you can connect, because that’s where you connect to what’s called God, which really is the energy of All That Is. God is not what humans conceive God to be. God is not what humans project as far as God being a super human living in the sky, a big man in the sky, a big man on the throne with a long white flowing beard. That’s human thinking and human thinking is limited because it’s only of the human dimension. All souls are multidimensional. God is an essence and an energy that goes beyond anything that a human could put on “him” as a quantitative description. Humans think of God as a person. God is not a person. God is an energy and an essence and it is so beautiful. And every single one of you is a part of God and God is a part of you. “
“This knowing and understanding is what opens up for you when you die. And it is so incredibly beautiful, especially experiencing it. We’ve done this before, not just a hundred but more like a thousand times. You know, dying is no big deal. It’s no big deal on the eternal soul level. It obviously is often very traumatic on the human level. But I would like to speak from my experience and say that from the time I had the heat stroke and my body temperature hit 110 degrees, I started making the transition. It was 2 weeks before I made it known that I had left my body for good, but during that time I was in and out of my body in spirit and consciousness…more out than in as I connected to my bigger soul self. I stayed for 2 weeks because of those of you still in human form that I loved and still love so much. It was a preparation for you for letting go of me as I exited. I hovered around my body during that time, sometimes in it but more often out of it. And because my consciousness was already off in the higher realms during most of that time, I want you to know that I didn’t feel the suffering of my human body. I really was mostly gone by the time you reached the hospital in Corpus Christi. I hovered due to how much you all loved me.”
“My Dad was the first one to meet me and he told me how beautiful it is to be an eternal soul, an eternal spirit. And we are having so much fun together! We are so close on the soul level. It was devastating for me as a human child to have him leave my reality when I was only 4 years old because we are so close and so connected, and yet it’s all perfect. It’s all beautiful. It’s all part of the bigger picture for soul growth and expansion.”
“My Dad was first and Rita (our family’s black lab much loved by Tim) was the next one! Yes, our beautiful human pets do come along to eternity with us. They’re not lost to us. They might not have souls in the same way that humans do, but oh my God they have a beautiful, beautiful eternal spirit that does connect with those of us who love them. Everyone else was there too of all my loving family who’ve crossed over. Mike (part of our extended family who also passed at age 27 some years prior) was one of the first after my Dad to greet me with a “What’s up, buddy?” (laughter) That’s what came through. Please let his mom know he’s doing so well. He’s doing amazing things with the work that he does now with assisting others in their own soul connection.”
“Crossing over in death only sucks for those left behind because it’s so painful to lose someone you’ve loved when that human physical connection is your only reality, but it’s time to expand that reality and know that love is the great connector. You never lose that. It doesn’t matter what dimension anyone is residing in. Love transcends all barriers. I want all my friends to know that truly love is the most important thing in any world, in any life, in any reality that your soul chooses to take on.”
“I know that you would like to know more about what I’m doing now that I’m no longer in my physical Tim body. And I’ll say that honestly, I’m still really exploring and having fun with the dimensions. You know we get here to the afterlife and we do have work, we do have a kind of job to do, but it’s nothing like the drudgery of a 3D struggle just to make a living kind of job. It’s flowing passion in ways that assist further soul expansion, because you never stop with that. We’re always expanding. But what we do assists others as well. The work that you and I agreed to do together on the soul level, Mom, is a huge piece of my soul work, and so isn’t that the best? I get to go out and explore all these dimensions and other realms beyond just the human one and report back to you, tell you about my experiences, tell you about what it’s all like so that then you can share it with others. It’s really exciting and I’m so glad we’re about to really get into this!”
“And each person has their own unique work to do here while enjoying the expansiveness of limitless eternity. There’s no rush to do anything, but there’s inspiration to want to do things, to want to keep experiencing more, to keep expanding and to keep growing.”
“And sometimes I do experience Earth without reincarnating back into a body and another human life again just yet, though I may do that in the future and possibly come back into our same family line in a new form. I haven’t decided yet. In the now, sometimes I get physically near to those I love by hopping in and sharing Athena’s body with her for brief adventures. (Athena was Tim’s 4 legged baby left behind when he departed.) Sometimes I’m actually participating in some of those hikes the people I love take her on, simply because it’s such a joyful experience and we all have so much fun. So let people know that a good place to start as far as communicating with me can be through Athena if they want to start expanding on what they believe is possible in soul to soul connecting!”
“Our connections to each other are eternal. At the core of each connection there is nothing but pure love and nothing ever negates that love. And that’s what brings this game that living on Earth is to such a totally new level when it’s recognized that no matter what is going on in your own life or in the world around you, no matter how much it may at times look the opposite, love is at the core of it all. Love, and yes, free will for people to act out in any way they choose and you know that there are terrible tragedies on the human level that take place all the time, but they aren’t tragedies on the soul level. My leaving at the age of just 27 was considered a tragedy by so many, but it’s not. It was all part of my particular experience of playing the Earth game. And what Kitty told you is true. When one knows on the soul level that this is it and you’re about to exit, your consciousness can be withdrawn from the human body even before death, and without consciousness, there isn’t real life left in the body. While the body may react as if it’s in pain, if the consciousness isn’t there to experience it, that pain is not felt. That pain doesn’t register. That’s what happened with Kitty and that’s what happened with me. I left and therefore my consciousness wasn’t there to experience the physical human pain of my body’s dying experience.”
“I want to tell everyone how much I love them, how happy I am, and how wonderful it is once the crossing over and leaving the body has occurred. I know the sadness and pain that my crossing caused for so many who love me and didn’t want me to leave, but I want you to know that the joy that is felt by each soul when it makes the decision for transitioning in its own perfect timing always supersedes all sadness and pain.”
“You know, my life as Tim was an amazing one on so many levels that weren’t easily observable to the human eye because there’s so much programming about what a successful life is supposed to look like and how a person is supposed to act. And what I’m wanting to share is that a truly successful life is one in which you take risks to have experiences that truly are adventures, adventures of the soul, and you can’t judge that kind of success through the appearances of a life as seen through human eyes. I had a great life. I have no regrets! I lived, I laughed, I loved, and I listened to the music! It was incredible!”
“And I want all of my friends and everyone who loved me, and even everyone who didn’t know me but feels that they do through what my mom has shared, to know that eternal life is incredible too. The music never stops and the good times go on forever!”
To be continued!
