Happy December and last month of 2016, this “9” year numerologically of endings and completions! We are nearly there now to the new beginnings that 2017, a “1” year (2+0+1+7=10 =1) offers up to us.
It has certainly been a while since the last time I shared in a blog post…13 months now. I have started more posts with the intention of sharing here than I can count, yet I never finished any of them and ultimately I simply had to let go and surrender to the personal process I was going through myself.
Grief is a strange and unpredictable thing and that’s what I found out during this last year. I thought I was doing pretty well since I was enjoying the signs of ongoing love and connection between the dimensions that I continued to receive regularly, yet as last December approached and with it the 30th birthday of my son Tim who no longer occupies his physical body here on Earth, I found myself struggling with new feelings of grief I hadn’t accessed before. It was as if a whole new wave of it washed over the human me and I was drowning. To counteract the feeling I attempted to focus my energy in as positive a direction as I could by throwing myself into a project in his honor. I decided to create a video made up of photos of him put to music to celebrate his life and what a gift he was to all of us who knew and loved him. Then my daughter and I invited his close friends to a gathering for his birthday to watch the video and share our best Tim memories and stories with each other. We laughed and we cried together and it was a truly beautiful way to commemorate the day.
After my project was completed though and his birthday had passed, I struggled. For months. I spent much of last winter in a fetal position wondering how I was going to continue to go on living myself with so much grief overwhelming my heart. I realized that I was experiencing delayed grief syndrome. Ziggy, my dear life companion, was already having physical challenges at the time Tim made his sudden transition and was diagnosed with a massive spinal tumor just a few months later, then undergoing 2 lengthy and delicate spinal surgeries in an attempt to remove it. He gained some time as a result of those surgeries and I was able to spend another 6 months with him post-operatively in Canada at his homestead there as he attempted to make a comeback that just didn’t happen, and that was ultimately our last 6 months together as he departed this Earth just 15 months after Tim did. I hadn’t truly been able to completely grieve the loss of my son while I was taking care of Ziggy and now I had more grief to deal with as a result of his transition. I felt entirely lost for the year after Ziggy died, not even knowing where I wanted to physically ‘live’ after our decade together of going back and forth between New Mexico and Canada and me no longer having a place I called “home” to fall back on. After a year of wandering, literally, I landed in a city apartment just a stone’s throw away from my daughter, which I figured was just temporary until I found my new direction in life. I’ve renewed 2 short term leases since then and am still here because each time I looked at moving on, I found I simply didn’t have the energy to follow through.
I can see now that it has been the perfect place for me to be to allow myself to do the grieving I hadn’t done. It’s been like a womb, a cocoon…or a chrysalis, the cocoon the caterpillar spins for itself and occupies as it does the work of metamorphosing into a butterfly. I had a constant reminder of this with the paper plate artwork hanging on the wall in my hallway that Tim had done in school as a very young child. I had loved it when he brought it home for the symbolism of it and the clever rendition of each stage of life his art teacher had helped her little students put forth…egg, caterpillar, chrysalis, butterfly. I still love it today and look at it every day. This past winter it reminded me that I was not dead even when I felt like I was inside. Instead I was encased in my own chrysalis, doing the very important work of transformation that was taking place within me, in secret and in mystery, even as I felt myself entombed in darkness. Some days it was all that I could do to hang on, barely moving and unable to function beyond breathing in that fetal position, yet I did hang on and eventually as winter gave way to spring, I began to feel some stirrings of life from within my own chrysalis.
Even with those stirrings, it was by necessity a very quiet year for me. I needed the stillness. I needed all my energy to be utilized within my cocoon for my ongoing transformation. I did very little socializing and gave thanks that I was smart enough to get an apartment so close to my beautiful and amazing daughter, who never gave up on me and continually encouraged me to keep going and look for the light and the positives in my life, even as she navigated her way through her own grief at losing her brother who was also her best friend and losing 2 more dear friends at such young ages in the year since I last posted. I do feel so blessed that on the soul level we chose to do this dance together during this particular lifetime as I’m not sure that I would still be here if we hadn’t. But I AM still here and slowly but surely I have been feeling my own life force energy returning during this intense and challenging year that so many have also experienced 2016 as.
I have continued to have my connection and communication between the dimensions, happening more so at the times I wasn’t feeling quite so low and heavy with grief. Once last winter I was startled awake during the night by the very real feeling that someone had just jumped on top of me. My mind raced before I had the courage to open my eyes, wondering if someone had broken into my apartment and was about to do…what? Then I felt the weight slide off to my side and as I did, I opened my eyes to find…no one. Nothing there, at least not anything visible to my human eyes. I could only shake my head and laugh, knowing my interdimensional experiences were being taken to a whole new level. Later in an interD conversation when I asked about this, I was told that a group of my loved ones on the other side was experimenting with new ways of connecting with me and there was an apology as I was told that they didn’t mean to scare me like that.
Another time I woke during the night and saw 2 shadowy figures standing by my bed that I knew had no physical substance to them. I felt no fear that time but rather a deep sense of love and peace. I was very drowsy and so as soon as I watched them walk through my bedroom wall and disappear, I fell right back to sleep. In the morning as I remembered the experience, I felt deeply gifted by it. Twice since then I’ve woken to the very real and very close presence of the incredibly loving energy of my husband (and the father of my 3 children) who died in 1990. The experience of it was more beautiful than I can put into words. The veil is so thin, especially when we open to allowing it to be!
This past year has changed me and I know that that’s been appropriate. I’ve had to go through my own endings and completions, just as everyone else has had to also, whether conscious of it or not. I honestly am not sure what this means for my future. I recognize that I have finally fully returned to the Land of the Living, a place I wasn’t certain I would ever re-visit, yet I’m back as a completely different person than the one I was when I last dwelt here. I can’t pretend I’m the same as I was then because I’m not. I can’t yet really say that I know this new Maureen because I’m not as familiar with her as I was with the old one, but I’m looking forward to getting to know her better as she fully emerges from her chrysalis and takes flight with those new butterfly wings.
I’m ready to participate in life again, ready to let my creativity flow and share with others once more since I do enjoy that so much. I simply don’t know what form that will end up taking. I’ve continued to work on the book I’m writing sporadically, though I’ve learned that creativity and the darkness of grief and the chrysalis/womb don’t necessarily make for an easy flow. 2017 feels like it will be lighter and brighter and more conducive to that. I’m ready to try out my butterfly wings and let myself float on them with ease and grace.
It’s been a joy and a privilege to be able to slide between the dimensions and bring forth love and communication from the other realms these past many years and then share them on my blog, yet I am aware that there are so many wonderful Voices out there now bringing forth beautiful ‘channeled’ messages that it feels as if it may be time to let go of this particular role I’ve enjoyed so much previously in order to see what new avenues are beckoning to me and continue my own unique journey, wherever it may take me. We shall see. I know there’s no limit to what we can experience and how far we can expand our consciousness and I am definitely looking forward to the ride.
I continue to be open to what comes to and through me. Beautiful messages of love and affirmation continue to come through from all the non-physical friends I have connected with in the past. Probably because his passing left the biggest hole in my human heart, I have the most interdimensional interaction with my son Tim’s energy. Our relationship continues and is constantly expanding as I allow my own filters of what is ‘real’ and what is not to drop away. The more open I am to the signs of connection coming through, the more they do come, often through songs and plain old synchronicities that are too amazing to just be random. This is always so beautiful and so reassuring that life truly IS eternal and we all go on, even after we’ve left our physical bodies behind.
Tim has shared more with me about what his experience beyond the body is like. He says: “I know you’re wondering what has come next for me. I’m still exploring and I’m still experimenting. You know how much I loved music when I was alive as Tim, even if I wasn’t a musician per se. I’m very involved in music where I am now, though it’s more than just what you think of as music on Earth. It’s very much frequency based here and it’s really amazing. Sacred geometry is a harmony of frequencies and this is what makes up the known Universe. I can access multiple dimensions through their vibrational signature, which is what you would call music. I’m working with those who are experimenting with frequencies where I am now, frequencies that act as the foundation of portals and wormholes, which will eventually allow greater interaction and communication between dimensions as the consciousness of Earth expands. Light has been so important to where things have come to be at present, and now what is coming next is going to be sound and frequency. This is where technology, as it races into the future, will play such an incredible role as far as bringing ‘Heaven to Earth.’ There are going to be some truly amazing discoveries and inventions directly connected to music and frequency. It’s extremely exciting! Music itself can act as a gateway, a portal, and like a wormhole to other dimensions when one lets go to the experience of music that is soothing to the soul. I encourage everyone to immerse themselves in music they love as much as possible!”
I asked about his connection to his father in the Afterlife and their connecting to me. He replied: “My Dad and I are participating in some grand adventures together and we are both loving it. Yet it’s not in quite the same manner as you would imagine on Earth. We are not exactly the separate individuals here that we were on Earth. We’re part of the same soul family. We’re part of a group. We’re part of a collective. And we’re both part of your soul’s entourage, which means we are always with you and we will always be with you as long as you yourself are in your physical body on Earth. For you are never alone, and you are part of us and we are part of you.”
He then used the analogy of the organ donations that had taken place when a beautiful young member of our extended ‘soul family’ here on Earth, Tannis, was killed in a domestic violence attack last year. Her grieving family had graciously and generously donated everything that could be utilized from her physical body to give the gift of life to others. Tim explained, “You might say that this is a lot of what I’m talking about. It’s an analogy for how things are in the spirit world. Tannis’ kidneys went to 2 different individuals, her heart went to someone else, and so did her corneas. Others received bone and tissue from her so that each of those people who received those organ donations is no longer uniquely “one” in the essence of their biology because they have incorporated the essence of another’s biology into it. The same is true for bone marrow and blood transfusions. Here in spirit form we are energy and consciousness and we often share this with others in an intermingling that is similar energetically to the sharing of biology that comes with organ donations on Earth.”
“While in a human body, people think like humans do and find it hard to conceptualize that there is so much more beyond what the human mind can imagine. People put human qualities on what they think of as God, and believe me, God, that incredible creative Force, is nothing like a human and nothing like humans think “He” is. People also put human ideas on what happens after ‘death,’ like judgement and getting sent to Heaven or Hell depending on how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ one was while on Earth. It’s nothing like that either. The Afterlife is simply one grand continuation of consciousness exploration and a soul’s choice as to what comes next has much more to do with what will assist in expansion of consciousness than anything else! There is no heaven, no hell, no purgatory, and no eternal damnation as has been taught by religions. Humans seek retribution and punishment. God does not.”
He went on to explain that we truly are all in this together…and we are so much bigger than any one individual life we experience. This is a time of awakening on the planet and we all have so much support from ‘the Other Side’ available to us at all times. He said, “We come and work with you and we are not solo entities when we do. We come as part of the collective of your own support teams. We energetically work with you, usually while you are asleep. You are all never alone, especially during your sleep time. Much is happening then, even though for the most part most are never aware of this. You are always being worked with. You receive energetic infusions that are given with so much love. Sometimes you also receive energy infusions from the sun, especially when it is in active mode. Other times celestial and planetary alignments infuse you with energy that penetrates your cells. All of this is to assist in upgrading your DNA, for that’s what’s happening on Earth right now. You are evolving and you have much ongoing help during this process.”
“Again, remember that you are not just living one human lifetime in isolation. You are weaving a tapestry of the soul with all of the lifetimes that you live, both on Earth and in other realms. Every experience you have is part of your soul’s progressive tapestry. It is a collective of all of the experiences that you have. And it is something that will never be complete. It will never be finished. It will always be ongoing and never be done because you are eternal. We are all eternal. And so every experience simply adds beauty, colors, hues and tones. And yes indeed it adds music in frequency and vibration. Your soul signature is made up of frequencies that are much like musical notes and it truly is a song that you add to the collective…and this collective sound is eternally expanding as well!”
In all of the conversations I had with Tim’s energy, he always ended by encouraging everyone to be authentic, live passionate lives, to follow one’s heart and gut and intuition for direction, to seek joy every single day, and to celebrate love in every way possible…including loving one’s self since that is pivotal to being able to truly love others in healthy ways. He says the best thing we each can do is to keep making music in our own lives and to share the rhythm, the melody and the song with as many others as we can. Oh and of course, to have fun, no matter what we’re doing! Life is meant to be a dance and an amazing celebration!
My own dance this past year has been hugely about finding the balance in authentically allowing myself to be exactly where I was and feel all that I needed to feel while still seeking joy and following the passions of my own heart. Those passions were stirred the most by the movement that began at Standing Rock as so many gathered as Protectors of the Water, the Sacred and Mother Earth. I know that we as a collective truly are at a major turning point and we cannot continue to abuse the Earth in the name of greed. We need to follow the guidance of the Indigenous who have honored the Earth as their way of life and learn from them. We need to make the switch to renewable sources of energy and start living more sustainably.
While I personally was horrified and appalled at the level of violence unleashed on the Protectors by the militarized police working as private security for the pipeline builders, their response to the brutality of remaining peaceful and prayerful was amazing and incredibly inspiring. So was the amount of support that came pouring in for Standing Rock from around the world. It was said that this was a spiritual battle taking place and that was very apparent in the way the Protectors stood strong and united in spirit as the events of these last months played out. Their beauty as spiritual warriors was breathtaking.
Many also said that it was the women of Standing Rock who led the way forward and were the backbone of the camp and the movement. They were the Heart of Standing Rock. When I asked my nonphysical friends about Standing Rock, what I was told was that it is the Heart Center for the return of the Divine Feminine that is happening on Earth at this present unprecedented moment in time. Her Light has been strong and unwavering as it has shone forth at Standing Rock, being carried by both the women and the men participating as Protectors.
The beautiful energetic aspect of the Divine Feminine, Brigid the Celtic Goddess, had some words to share with me on the overall shift taking place on Earth. She said, “It is wonderful to see so many all around the world coming together for their collective voice to be heard, and it is indeed being heard. People are focusing their attention and their actions in ways that contribute to the creation of peace and more balanced ways of living, together and with the Earth Herself. “
“The dark will continue to desire to extinguish and blot out the light but that is not possible. The light is growing stronger and brighter all the time with the expansion of consciousness that is taking place on your planet. Continue to lead with your light. This is why you are here. Each of you made the soul choice to come and be here as humans living on Earth during this monumental time of shift and change. You volunteered to BE the shift for Earth. And the way forward is always to move with love and to allow the light within to lead and guide you. As you shine your own light you offer illumination to the world and to so many others around you. This is what it’s important for each of you to know.”
“So many wonder, what is my true purpose in life? What am I here to do? What is my role? Dear Ones, sometimes a life purpose is as simple and as challenging as simply turning on the light within and turning it up ever brighter and ever stronger and ever more powerful. You have seen how those at Standing Rock have been doing this and how it has affected the world. Darkness cannot overtake the light. It doesn’t work that way. When so many come together and allow the brightness of the light within to be joined collectively with others in a world community, there is so much potency in this and in the gentle way, in the way that is the way of the Divine Feminine and the movement forward into a newer consciousness, truly what we may call a Christ Consciousness.”
“As you are aware, this is a time of intense change on your planet and times of change are not necessarily the easiest to navigate one’s way through. Yet you must remember that, as has been said, all great change is preceded by chaos. Things must be shaken up and shaken loose in order for the old to let go to allow in the new. This is very evident in the outcome of your US presidential election. The result was not so much an endorsement of the man who won but rather an overwhelming desire for change on the part of the people. “
“For each of you wondering where your own direction forward is and what to do next on your own path, remember that all you need to do is to turn within and follow the guidance and the promptings of your own heart. You all can feel when your energy is engaged, where it is bright and lively, where there is excitement and your passion is flowing. This is always the path to follow. “
“This is a grand shift that’s taking place on your beautiful Earth right now. It is movement forward into entirely new ways of being and doing, which requires major paradigm shifts. It is often times challenging to even recognize some of the old paradigms that you have been caught up in. It’s not always easy to see how some structures have kept you stuck, such as some of the religions that have been used to manipulate and control rather than genuinely be a pure conduit for your connection to the Divine. Much that began in purity later became adulterated over time. What you need to do as you move forward into the new, each of you here on Earth, is to seek out the pureness at the core of any structure, any paradigm. It is from the purity, which is the essence that became lost in the form, that you will find the beginnings of the creating of the new that will be made manifest in your way forward as you leave the old behind.”
She said in conclusion, “To any who would look to Brigid to receive a message of guidance, it is always the same. Keep the light burning in the hearth fire of your heart. Remember that joy is always more beautiful than any ritual done by rote. Be spontaneous in your joy, be happy, dance with love and light and passion. And always allow yourselves to be led and guided by the light within!”
As I post this it is almost the 12:12, often referred to as an energetic gateway or stargate and a trigger for activation and awakening. It has always been a very special day for me since it is also my birthday. I first entered this world for this particular incarnation on 12/12 at 4:44pm, so I am definitely energetically imprinted with this “12” energy. In researching the spiritual significance of 12 in numerology, I found a lot of different meanings attributed to it. The one that really jumped out at me was this one though: “It is the creative capacity, and in some religions, it expresses also the Divine Mother.”
How appropriate then that this 12:12 gateway is also the feast day of one of the aspects (in the Christian tradition) of the Divine Mother Mary, Our Lady of Guadalupe. Her feast day commemorates her appearance in Mexico to the devout peasant Juan Diego and the miracle of her presenting him with beautiful roses blooming in the December snow to take to his bishop as proof of her visit. The roses left an imprint on the garment he carried them in and so the bishop did believe him and constructed a cathedral in her honor, which was her request. Our Lady of Guadalupe is a much loved aspect of the Divine Mother energy and remains the patron saint of Mexico.
When I heard the news on Dec 4 that the Army Corps of Engineers had denied the access permit to Energy Transfer Partners, the builders of the pipeline that would have crossed beneath the Missouri River at Standing Rock and endangered the people’s drinking water with an oil spill, I remembered the Divine Feminine gift of roses blooming in December snows and felt that energy present at Standing Rock. The denial of the permit came on the International Day of Prayer for Standing Rock and at the same time that upwards of 3000 veterans arrived at the Oceti Sakowin camp in a massive show of support for the Protectors. During the time they were there, many veterans participated in a ceremony in which they asked for forgiveness for all of the wrongs that had been committed against Native peoples by those who also wore the uniform of the US government’s armed forces. The acceptance of that apology by the Medicine Man present at the ceremony was certainly an emotional and historic moment and opens the door for further healing and the righting of wrongs that have been continuously perpetrated against Native people.
There is of course still a long way to go in order to permanently defeat the pipeline as well as to make real reparations to the original inhabitants of these lands who were continually lied to and had their treaties broken and their land stolen from them. There is still a long way to go to restore true respect for the Sacred and to live in harmony with Nature and Mother Earth. Yet I see what’s happened at Standing Rock as a sign that the tide is finally beginning to turn. People are waking up all over the planet saying it’s time for change and we’re ready to do what is needed to bring that about. That is truly exciting and I feel that the momentum is only going to keep growing. It may take time, yet eventually we will reach critical mass and then there will be no turning back and no stopping the return of the Divine Feminine and the birth of an entirely new world for which we are each the midwives. Every single one of us, both women and men, who let love and light and peace lead the way forward, while also standing up and letting our voices be heard, are helping to bring this about.
May the miracle of roses blooming in December and the light of the Divine Feminine as She returns fill your own heart with the essence of roses, today and every day. I wish you a beautiful holiday season and much joy as we enter the “1” energy of 2017 and the new beginnings it is bringing with it!
With much love from me to you,
Maureen
